Deep Dark Secrets

Although it usually extends beyond this, my honesty is always adamant about matters concerning myself.

Below are the deepest darkest secrets that I have kept about my past. I am a very honest person, however, as to avoid scaring potential friends off, I removed more sensitive materials. However, to be truly consistent concerning this personality trait and lifestyle, I realized I must make no exceptions, and accept the risk.

1. In the past I have taken medications for illnesses such as bipolar, depression, Asperger's syndrome, among other things. There are multiple reasons for this, mostly circumstantial, but recently I made the decision to stop taking medication. Well, to be more precise, I kept forgetting to, and then realized that I was much better off without it. Following the withdrawal period, in addition to not having to sleep nearly as much, and an increase in metabolism...I did so much better I wonder if perhaps I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by not taking it in the first place (not that something like that would be possible in those circumstances, + I didn't know any better.

2. In part because of my aunt's sense of responsibility and misconceptions about my emotional state, and also complimented by an mental imbalance caused by taking unneeded medication, along with constant chaos due to transitions among other things, People got the crazy idea that I needed to a special behavior high school for special treatment. Keeping in mind the circumstances listed above, naturally the behavioral school only caused me to have bad behavior that otherwise would not have existed. As a result, I lost the innocence that I had held onto all through Jr. High. I was stuck in this rut all the way till graduation in June '06

3. My last year in the system (17 or 18 years old) I became bi-curious, and did 69 twice with a guy.

4. One year in Jr. High, I began compulsively sexually harassing the guys my age. Well that's an exaggeration, but honestly, I might have been possessed, because to this day I cannot recall any reason whatsoever for my actions. That is the only time something like that ever happened, but it still creeps me out a lot. I'll try to be optimistic and hope it was just stress overload.

5. In an effort to justify the actions of pedophiles (since overall they don't seem all that mean or perverted) I did an experiment. Using only my imagination, I first masturbated to the most sexually attractive woman possible. After than, I masturbated to the image of a little girl (i.e. no tits, no ass, etc.) The results were surprising- my arousal and the level of orgasm was much more with the little girl. I have no intention of becoming a pedophile, but this experience did lead to a much clearer understanding of their motivations. Chances are not many people can empathize with such an experience though, because we all sexually attracted to different people for different reasons. Ok, well although I won't actively be a pedophile, I may just children as a visual. after all, since it works better, it's common sense, right? Well, considering the definition of pedophile, pedophilia is not a lifestyle or a choice. Whether or not I act on it, I guess I am a pedophile, since I can't help that I'm more sexually attracted to little girls. I suppose when I get a girlfriend, I'll probably get one that looks like a little girl (i.e. short, baby face, etc.)

6. I have a tendency to torture cats; so, if given the opportunity I have and will start torturing it eventually.

I'm promising myself I will not regret posting this, but I know without a doubt that the above will seriously damage my reputation (especially #5!)