Psychology

This has got to be the coldest winter I have experienced to date, and as I went for a midnight stroll (literally) I was burning all over from the cold air. Then I realized than if my theories were correct, I should be able to turn that pain into pleasure just by thinking about it. So I concentrated hard on the belief that my pain is actually pleasure, and it become so. No, this is not a joke, or a lie. I believe that if any person wills it strong enough, any person can take on any personality, and live their life any way. If anyone has had this knowledge during the course their life, then they have no excuse for what their life will become at the end. And apparently this knowledge has been distributed for thousands of years in the most popular book in human history, the Bible. James 4:17 NKJV "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin"
When I first read this verse, I interpreted it as "refusing to do good is just as bad as doing evil", but I now realize this goes well beyond that. In its entirety, a more correct translation would be "He who has a good idea of what perfection is, but does not actively work toward it, is committing sin through his blatant omission of action." -well, something like that.

Criminals and those suffering from mental illnesses also have no excuse, because it is clear (at least to me) that with enough perseverance, anyone can change their lives to become "the perfect person". James seems to have known this truth. (to be continued)

Racism

If I were to sum up my thoughts on racism, my answer would we that it doesn't exist. But I wouldn't expect you to believe that at face value- in fact, I'm sure that whoever is reading this is far more likely to be thinking "What has he been smoking?"- Which of course is why I'm not going to leave it at that. I'm going to explain why I believe racism does not exist. First, so that we're on the same page, look at my Evil post if you haven't already. Note that in both the case of evil and racism, they both do exist in a way, but just not for me. The reason why (within sanity) that is can exist for others (in this case, most) but not for me, is because both racism and evil are excuses. I don't attempt to excuse my actions with such things, so for me they do not exist. The definition of racism is: "Prejudice or discrimination based on an individual's race", with prejudice meaning "a bias" and discrimination meaning "unfair treatment based on a bias". But there are a few things that should be considered: 1. A "victim" does not need to associate with those who have a bias. 2. In the even they choose to associate with such, they do not need to tolerate biased treatment. 3. As long as the "victim" possesses a strong ability to adapt, what is perceived today as racism is inadvertently "doing them a favor" and 4. (This is the most important) Racism only exists because there are victims.

Now we'll go into detail on that last. Newton's third law of motion can be paraphrased as "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" I'm not familiar with the actual meaning, but for this post that is irrelevant. What it means "as of now" is that nothing can exist with an opposite of equal force, and everything that does exist has an opposite with an equal amount of force. +1 cannot exist without -1, light cannot exist without darkness, good cannot exist without evil. One of the most logical ways of solving the problem of evil would be "A perfect God is not only good but also evil, since perfection implies no lacking, including not lacking that which is evil." Now to the point- Racism need victims in order to exist. If those that are normally targets of racism believe that racism did not exist, eventually those who are deemed to be racist would also cease to exist, because they do not have a target. Racism in reality is just over-hyped, race-specific bullying. So that considered, all that is needed is to fulfill the needs of those who are racist. The needs of bullies are easy to pick out, because there is almost always (if not always, period) just one need. That need is to correct their insecurity. Whites, which in the U.S. represent the majority- see the minorities and taking away their jobs, education, and sometimes lives. The U.S. does something really stupid- they offer incentives to minorities and require a certain percentage of the minority to enter universities and take jobs. This in very unfair- with the most obvious reason being that chances are many, if not most of the minority are not near as qualified to take those positions as the whites they were given priority over.

From this perspective, it's only natural that racism is increasing rather than decreasing, because the United States is justifying the concerns of the majority (whites). In other words, by taking an active role in acknowledging racism (by "working against it") we have made things worse. Although this post was specifically about proving the non-existence of racism, it can equally be applied to the negative consequences of the abuse of women's rights, animal's rights, rights of the disabled, and so on. So much money has gone down the drain for the sake of protecting rights. It's all because people can't take responsibility for their own lives. Instead, they start movements for rights, and cause everyone around them (and in some cases the whole world) drama, grief, money, time, and well-being. All this is the result of people not minding their own business; people who have depleted their pride to the point that they feel the need to resort to blaming the world for how miserable their lives are. It's true that there are plenty of bullies that to some qualify as "racist", but the victims share (at the very least) and equal responsibility for racism, and as such need to own up to it. For related content, see Bad Luck.

see here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_the_US
consider these statistics:
Approximately 70% of prisoners in the United States are non-Whites

and here:
http://www.nationmaster.com/red/pie/cri_tot_cri-crime-total-crimes
despite having only 296,410,400 people, 34.1 percent of the crimes in the world happen in the U.S.

non-whites (the minority) make up 26.1 % of the population.

with such obvious extremes, any who would still consider the minorities (especially blacks, who commit the vast majority of the crimes) innocent, etc. is quite frankly "full of sh%t"

see here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_minority

asians are a much smaller minority than blacks (only 4.4 %) and yet despite severe discrimination have in less than 100 years earned respect, effectively eliminating racism, with almost non-existent crime and high-end education and careers.

asians prove my point, in that one of the main reasons they were able to eliminate racism, is that instead of having tantrums (like blacks,etc.) they continued as usual, minding their own business and earning their place here the smart way- building a model society.

Racism towards blacks still thrives because blacks ask for it through their actions, end of story.

On a side note (to go on the offense) Racism is committed against whites (the majority) in the United States constantly every day. The ironic part about it though, is that it's racism promoted by anti-racism special interest groups. Every day, thousands of American whites (possibly millions) are denied employment in favor of usually less qualified minorities. This blatant racism is whitewashed with the name "Equal Opportunity", but (in part) takes the form of "Racial Quotas", which is, in effect, nothing but "Reverse Discrimination". Also, for the record: Not only are racial quotas racist against whites, but they are racist against anyone. given preferential treatment, priority, and other advantages, is not just drawing, but digging a line between the different races. Blacks get better treatment not because they deserve it, or because they're qualified, but because of the color of their skin. How more racist can you get than that? I would encourage all of the minorities (besides the Asians, they've already proved themselves) to have some pride in who they are as a person. Don't throw away your pride on being given an unfair advantage- earn it [the right way]. The best things in life aren't given anyway, they're earned.

ps.- tell your buddies in Africa that literally raping several million (and going) women to death is making your reputation worse than it already is. When I see the crime in the U.S. soaring mainly due to blacks, and watch the news live from africa...c'mon, put two and two together...Anyone reading face value could easily think that African Americans are only as tame as they are thanks to the U.S.'s good graces : - )

Personality

There is not a single life-form in existence who is exempt from the limits of how far they can adapt; everyone will reach their limit eventually. When the limit is reached, the method by which a person copes with it is one of the best, if not the best way to define one's personality. A person's true character can only be found in the most trying of circumstances, in other words. However, we should also keep in mind that most circumstances are easier for some personalities than others. As such- this must be taken into account, because the influence of that factor is distinctly unrelated to their inability to adapt. In all cases, although we usually do not realize it, our minds apparently have a logical need for adaptation to always occur. Those times that we cannot, the mind reacts in such a way that is best suited to "trick" it into thinking it has successfully adapted. It would seem that such measures should be unnecessary, but it's likely that this was the best, or only way to ensure our survival, because in order to survive, we need to adapt. Keeping this in mind, criminals and mentally ill individuals are not actually evil and crazy, but simply have experienced and/or are experiencing circumstances that far exceed their ability to adapt. From this perspective, the only difference between a criminal and "psycho" would be their personality. This is further documented in Potential.

To better understand this, take the analogy of a car crash. Specifically, if a car is at a standstill, and another is racing in the opposite direction at a certain (in this case high) speed, which would be worse?- a head-on collision, or clipping it across the side? The obvious answer would be the latter. Less Friction is involved (click on "Friction" for further documentation), and as such the consequences are more bearable. In the same way, if a person's personality is more compatible with certain circumstances, then in the event that those type of circumstances outweigh one's ability to adapt- that person is able to cope better those times they are forced to go past that point. The less-than-pleasant side of the coin, is that a person who's personality conflicts with those certain circumstances will find those circumstances unbearable after they exceed their genetic ability to adapt. In the latter scenario, the consequences can (and are) very cruel- and, contrary to popular opinion, are the actual root of the problem that spawns those fated to be criminals, psychos, and other negatives that fail today's social standards. So with this post I will attempt to isolate the different responses, determine the respective personalities, and supply generic examples thereof. I will enlist the help of Raymond Cattell for this.

to be continued..

The Meaning Of Life

Upon writing this post I decided to make science the focus of my education. However, I am a very indecisive person, and it seems likely that my indecisiveness is [in part] caused by a tendency to hyperbolize anything that I gain an interest in. Science as a goal would be simply the next in a long line of the several dozen aspirations I have considered, in just the last year. No, that isn't an exaggeration- it really is that bad. Following this, I wrote this post. While the ideas involve sound good in theory, I now realize that it was mere immature thinking on my part. In retrospect, I clearly see that I rationalized things to compensate for my weakness- "escaping". In reality, even if I were able to accomplish those ambitions, nothing would come of it- I would still be a "jack of all trades, master of none"- that would apply even if I indeed excelled in all areas, because humans only can reach their true potential when they dedicate their lives to a single passion- such is the fabric of life.

The philosopher Rene' Descartes is accredited with the profound statement- "I think, therefore I am". At least at first glance, I believed the primary implication is that proof of existence only requires thought, because it's impossible for something that does not exist to think. But the more that I "think" about it, I'm realizing that the implications are far from limited to proving existence. It further implies that the depth to which of person perceives their existence is dependent and in ratio to the amount that they think. Proof of this is not hard to find- It's fairly universal that "time flies" once work takes an active role. However human beings naturally desire to be productive. As such, an argument that human beings want to die faster would not invalid, because productivity naturally speeds up our perception of time. Because we have little time to evaluate our existence, we are being cheated out of a potentially much longer lifespan by a fast-paced society. In reality, how long we live does not depend wholly on years- a much greater part depends on the choice of perception.

I have had these ambitions to write books that will influence the world, and have children that will lead it into a more promising future, and finally to live a life that will be remembered. But all of this, too, was immature thinking. What does it matter what people think of me, or what the future of mankind is after I'm dead. Now I'm not saying I don't care, but even if my actions could have a positive impact, is it really mine to judge what the future of the world, or of my children should be? In reality, I would probably be able to better influence the world without children anyway, since I would be free to influence not just one or two, but everyone that I come in contact with, and everyone who reads what I write.

Instead, it would seem a much better choice to dedicate my life to thinking as much as possible, if anything to prolonge my perceptual existence. And the kind of thinking I would do would be to work towards the answering of life's greatest question, which is, of course, "what is the meaning of life?"

We have been left clues to solve this puzzle, which have been elaborated on countless times by philosophers through the ages- and, in this post, by me:

As I understand it, these clues each have different levels of importance. While it is doubtful that I currently have an well enough understanding of the clues to accurately discern their importance- the order below is from most to least important, and should suffice as a guideline:

Adaptation- although this is a quality native to all life, adaptation proves itself as possessing (by far) the most potential and beauty in human beings, who, when circumstances call for it, can not only survive, but thrive as well- in virtually and circumstance that can support basic functions. To this day no one can set a limit to the level adaptation exist, and it's possible that within the grounds of basic needs, the ability to adapt could be infinite. However, because people can face the same circumstances, and one always adapts better than the other, I firmly believe that the level of one's ability to adapt is definitely genetic.

Motivation- Anyone who considers any single person to be evil would lose that opinion if they became familiar with the depth of the said person's motivations. For this reason, although I don't expect people to share my opinion of not believing in evil, it would not be fair to say that any single person is inherently evil- they all have their reasons for their actions, and more than likely "evil" manifests itself when people are unable to adapt to their circumstances properly. Although what is perceived as "good" does not necessarily infer this, (morals vary slightly due to change in times, cultures, religions, governments, and other factors.) in general a good person is likely "a natural" at adaptation, so to speak. But in all cases, motivation is always something of a mystery. The complexity of it of course would make it hard to figure out- there's always plenty of people that "you never know what they're thinking".

Identity- see here

The rest of the clues are less important, well- that and I want to finish the post before I run out of steam- so I'll just list them- still in the order of importance: Communication, Dependence, Instinct, Intuition, Immortality, Dreams. Most of these are explained in posts before this anyway, so you'll just have to check. Try this really cool feature- at the top type those words in the search bar, and you're bound to find something on it. I'll probably edit this later and give at least one link that documents the above words- later.

But overall, to me it is abundantly clear that the meaning of life lies in the memories. Although there are many reasons for this, I first became aware of the relation between the memory and this question, after realizing that when people lose their memory permanently, they effectively become an entirely different person- despite the fact the body is still alive, and person prior to memory loss is dead.

Curiously, all of the above clearly falls under psychology, so if my life aspiration is indeed to uncover the meaning of life, majoring in psychology would be best, especially since I do have a strong interest in it, as well as the subject itself plays on my strengths. Despite having never formally studying it, I have a very accurate understanding of it. Perhaps I am once again hyperbolizing things- but hopefully that is not the case.

Fragility

Human beings are fragile by nature, in that we must always be dependent on something. In my Maturity post, I announced my aspiration to become independent, but that was only to a reasonable extent- it's impossible for humans to ever become completely independent. This is especially noticeable when depression occurs, because the simplest things can relieve it, if only for moments. We can feel better after taking a shower, after eating, or meeting our other needs. Why should we need such things to feel better? After thinking about it- someone might ask me, why not?- Well I guess perhaps I'm having too high of expectations, but this one thing is the only thing I can think of that I do not like about humans. Everything else is beautiful- but the beauty in this quality is stolen away by the sheer pathetic nature of it. Perhaps this is the evidence of God- reminding us that without him we are nothing. Not that I believe in God- this is just for the sake of argument. I have thought that perhaps this might be a good thing- when I consider that having need for so many things promotes structure- allowing for smooth adaptations. But there is too many flaws in that, when I consider the many side affects of the myriad of needs that actually stifle these things. I could also be that many of these things are only needed because we were brought up to need them- in which case only society is to blame. But I'm not willing to put that to the test.

Diversity

note to self- this post is about the importance of achieving knowledge based on my philosophy that truth is fundamentally unknowable, but that the closest thing to truth would be a balance and compromise between all perspectives in existence- all of coursed weighed and tied into my current concept of life. by doing this I will have the most accurate idea.

update- extend by adding relevance to reality (i.e. nature is infinitely diverse- we should follow its example.)

+ diversity reduces risk- which is why even the lowest levels of evolution still exist- that and also balance, which is another major merit of diversity.

*just to let anyone else know, this is not the actual post...the truth is I have something of an idea- and I don't want to forget it- so I'm reminding myself here.

Security

As part of my journey to perfecting my social character, I first started by going over "what women want" (the average women anyway)- and it just so happens that I have a fairly good idea- surprisingly. Although I have not even had one girlfriend, I have been compulsively browsing, creating, and responding to craigslist ads and free online dating profiles. Having realized that it was not working, I gave up- and assumed that the hundreds of related ads were no more than a waste of time. But it seems that now I can put that to good use. From those ads, there are qualities emphasized universally, and as such I can consider them as a reliable standard of what women. I know this may sound stereotypical, but as I went over these different qualities I realized that most of them originate from a need for security. It appears that most women need security more than anything- and due to past relationships, are metaphorically "starving" for it. As such- filling this gap would be a great way for me to get a girlfriend- the rest would lie in mutual commitment, passion, and other factors that should develop naturally over time.

For clarity, in addition to naming these qualities I will define and state the reasons why each of them are excellent ways by which to get the attention of a woman I'm interested in, and also get her interested in me.

Humor: This is the one that I see the most- women like guys with humor for many reasons- first, it gets rid of the awkwardness associated especially with dating, and it allows women to be themselves. Humor usually makes women feel like they're a better person around that person (as long as the humor is good-natured of course). It also allows them to forget about all other concerns and enjoy things in the moment, and "feel young again." It also allows both to be more open with each other- which stimulates that which (for women) is one of the most important elements of socialization- intimacy. For these reasons, humor might be considered one of the most crucial qualities when it comes to dating- especially initially.

Adventurous: This quality has a lot of advantages that humor has- such as the youthfulness and ability to eliminate awkwardness, but the real benefits lie in the excitement and romantic atmosphere involved. In addition, it inspires creativity and instills a mutual sense of power- which in addition to giving off a social high adds (to women) the much-needed overall security. The best benefit of an adventurous person is probably a constant influx of passion.

Organization: Women like guys that have organized lives and clean rooms, because it's usually a sure-sign of structure in their life. As such, the can be expected to have structured lives and be fairly predictable- which, for people with a need for security and deficiency thereof- is a very good thing. As a bonus- guys with the quality as usually very reliable.

Independent: Every time they enter a relationship- women know they are taking a risk. Regardless of how trusting they are- everyone, guys and girls, know that there's always a chance their lover is lying to them, perhaps about everything. So knowing that a guy is financially, emotionally, and socially independent enough without herself would be a major comfort to a women- because a guy having reached that level of maturity would have no reason to use them, or consume resources without even the guarantee of paying them back. Women recognize that, and so decisively avoid guys that have not reached a certain level of independence, even going so far as to date guys several years older than them, sometimes solely for this reason.

Confident: Although this is a big deal to girls- confidence is prized in most fields of life- and with good reason. Confidence makes others feel comfortable putting their trust in those with this quality. Not only is it a quality that for psychological purposes is inherently appealing, But it actually does increase the performance of those having it, regardless of actual skill, experience, or intelligence. It's a safe bet that improvisation can only be done by a confident person- and for the same reason a person with confidence is usually much more reliable overall than those without. This also factors in with the need for security of women- I think that in this way confidence is especially essential for males in heterosexual relationships. It is also my opinion that a humans' true potential cannot be released without the aid of complete confidence.

Down-to-earth: google defines down-to-earth as "sensible and practical"; "has a straightforward down-to-earth approach to a problem". Women, especially on craigslist- look for a down-to-earth guy- as with most of the above, for security reasons. They want to know that when there is a problem- their guy will be there to solve it in the most appropriate way possible- they need that reassurance.

Proactive: Although I don't see it being used in this phrasing, from what I can tell women are looking for a guy that can "take care of himself" making the best of things on his own, instead of relying on excuses, regardless of how valid they would be. A guy who is proactive can "sweep women of their feet" because they can't help but admire the power and guts that flow from a guy like that- "carrying the world on his shoulders"

Decisive: Women tend to go for guys that make decisions, and sticks to them. It reflects a sense of responsibility and implies that this kind of a guy has a good idea of where they're going- which makes women want to "go with them to the ends of the earth" ok maybe not quite that dramatic- but you get the picture.

Intelligence: This isn't necessarily a quality, but it definitely is something women want in a guy. It's well known that most people in the world won't get far without intelligence- not to mention that without it life isn't likely to be predictable. Maybe it used to be, but with the advent of high tech it won't be long before intelligence is a prerequisite to life.

Intellectual: I see this a lot- specifically, women want a guy that can actually carry a conversation. Well to me that's too low of expectations, but to each his own. But it would make sense this would be especially important to women, since as a rule of thumb- women rely much heavier on their social-life than men- it's not for show that gossip and women tend to go hand-in-hand. In fact, research shows girls generally start communicating at a much younger age than males do.

As I Go Along

For some time now I have developed an auditory learning style- but saying it like that doesn't even gloss over the reality of it. For the past couple years, most of what I have learned (which is a great deal) has been by talking about it- Now by talking I mean any form of communication that makes use the the English language, but you know what I mean. So here's the deal- most of what's written in this blog- I was not aware of until after I wrote it. Not kidding! Judging from that- my words shouldn't carry too much authority- especially since most of it has absolutely no references, education, or even personal experience backing it. Most of what I write originates nearly exclusively from my head- as is based in make-shift deductive reasoning, and most of what is deducted is further based on things that were deducted from that...which as you might have noticed equates to a one-man "whisper-down-the-lane" scenario.

Well, be that as it may- My findings have been nothing but useful to me, and I would recommend that you treat it as reliable until proven otherwise. After all, that's how all reliable information starts out in the first place. As an added bonus, I've found that much of what I've written was thought of (albeit independently) by historical figures before me- which really isn't that surprising considering that in the millennia of human history- It's near impossible to think of someone that no one else has- even in the field of technology- where prerequisites are needed to give way to new ideas, The ideas spread like wildfire- prompting the need for patents, to officially say "I thought of it first" (even though in many cases they didn't- take Thomas Edison for example- he didn't actually invent the light bulb, he merely perfected the design thought up by someone else- the reason he got the credit was because he patented it first. People tend to skip over that fact and assume that Edison was the one who thought it up.


You might wonder how I could write what is now becoming 30 pages of relatively mature and decisive material a month- even though I almost never leave my house other than for errands and work. Well, if you're not wondering that- I'll let you know up front that I am. Perhaps I could go beyond that though if I were to get more- and as I find that a high possibility- I'll be working on doing just that. But I find it rather interesting that I am able to communicate things the very instant that I learn them, or think them. It does come in quite handy- being able to say exactly what I intend to before I know that I intend to say it. It leaves room for speculation of a more evolved link between the subconscious and conscious mind, but I have determined that such thinking is irrelevant, and as such vain, as well as the unnecessary adding to false suspicions that I possess a high level of arrogance. In either case- taking into consideration the potential of whatever "gifts" I have been endowed with is a given.

Social Perfection

It's been going on forever- the idea that it's always best to "be yourself"- well I can't see how that's even necessarily a good thing- saying you're just going to be yourself is pretty much admitting to resigning yourself to fate- because fate made each of us what we are today. Although no matter which direction we take we will never be free of fate- Awareness of fate and what brought us to the point we are at today carries a great amount of power. I don't believe there's a better way to thwart fate than to not be yourself- so, that's exactly what I plan to do.

Now at this point I have some idea of what the socially perfect person would be like- but in reality I will have to do a tremendous amount more research to get an accurate idea of what that person is like. It may be believed that if a person who envisions a type of person and forcibly actualizes that image using their own life as a base, the result will undoubtedly be "fake" and "unnatural", because it would have been attempted through "artificial" means. But that would be a great insult to the power of human adaptation. I myself am making it my life goal (as of now) to make this dream as a reality; when successful, people will see my inviting nature as completely natural- and consequently, I will gain great recognition. Well, as optimistic as that may be, I would have to work hard to achieve such a feat. I will though- failure is unacceptable. After millennia of the documentation of society- The extraction of the perfect person (in social respect- which is the focus of this post of course) is most definitely doable- and once I get the information I need, I will become that person. This will be the greatest goal of my life, understandably.

I am aware that people have failed to succeed in achieved similar feats- taking on radically different personas has resulted in dire consequences, and is considered to be the root of the unraveling of their life. But to me, this is all the more reason to do it. I believe that those people lacked sufficient ability and preparation, as well as having to little of ability to adapt. But I know that I can compensate where they could not, and in the event that I were to fail and my life were to unravel- I will have achieved satisfaction nevertheless- having lived an exciting, unique, and fulfilling life- if only because I knew I gave it my all. Not only that- but endeavors such as this are a novelty, and the evidence left behind following my death may equate to a level of influence that challenges the potential influence left by means of a child.

Theistic Imperfection

Of all the reasons I have for renouncing Christianity- the primary one is "the problem of evil". apparently it really is a problem- as there is much material by scholars attempting to solve it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodicy

That is- how can an infinitely-powerful, infinitely-knowing, and infinitely-benevolent God be compatible with the ever-present evil in the world? To add onto that, how can something imperfect come from something perfect? After renouncing Christianity, over time, I came to the conclusion that evil does not exist. Although I do not believe in the existence of God (nor do I deny it- but belief is required to be definitive just as denial is) if I were to believe in his existence, it would be more compatible because, assuming that evil is the essence of imperfection (which is how it is defined overall by the Bible), there would be no problem with God creating this world, because it's perfect anyway. But, judging both by common sense and by the repeated affirmation throughout the Bible, Something imperfect cannot come from something perfect, just as it is vice-versa. Even if we have free-will, our God-given good nature would give us no reason to commit evil, and infinite reason to do good.

That being said- I am not saying that a perfect God cannot exist- I am saying that in order for a perfect God to exist, the Bible must be false and cannot be the word of God. Furthermore- since the Bible is disqualified from this argument, it would be safe to acknowledge the possibility that evil does not necessarily equate to imperfection. This actually makes much more sense rationally, when we consider that perfection requires balance, and in order for balance to exist, evil must. This considered, evil would actually prove that- assuming that God does exist- that he is perfect. I myself seeing the trivial technicality of meanings, which leads these rationalizations on a slight detail, prefer to simplify the conceptional aspect by instead asserting that evil does not exist. This is justified by basic deductive reasoning, specifically by applying "If a=b, and b=c, then a=c", which is the basis for why I decided on this stance. This also compliments my current beliefs that neglect the active belief it God...because it leaves room for the possibility that although evil does not exist, imperfection does. This also would rely entirely on individual perspectives.

The above would explain the basis of what I believe to be the most convincing argument against the validity of Christianity- and I challenge any takers to attempt to rationalize the "problem of evil" without contradicting the Bible. The other main reason I have for taking this stance, is simply that even if a perfect God could create and coexist with imperfection- it would be irrational for this God, if as the Bible says is infinitely benevolent- could send his creations to hell- a place he also created- when he could have done (considering he is God) an infinite amount of things to prevent such occurrences. This is further documented in http://jbcandid.blogspot.com/2007/10/ranting-about-christianity.html

Fantasies

The past few months I have discovered an interest in various sexual fetishes, perhaps in part as a result of insecurities regarding my identity. Whatever the catalyst was, these interests, which collectively included S&M, bisexuality, and pedophilia- evolved into obsessions- as my perception of their prominence hyperbolized in a melodramatic fashion. This has been a habit of mine- turning small details into big issues. Some who know me would be thinking "so he did realize it after all!"- because this habit has served at times to annoy the heck out of people. Now I am full aware though that such an approach does far worse than annoy people- that it obvious now. I took on the identity of a pedophile just because I was able to get off to to little girls better. Turns out that in recent tests, over 20% of college guys admitted to having such fantasies- and the actually percentage is probably much higher, considering the nature of the question. But it doesn't mean I should go out of my way to enforce it. Prior to now- I considered myself to only be attracted to those around my age. True I do prefer short height, and "cute" over "sexy", among other things- but that isn't nearly enough reason to "resign myself to fate" as they say.

Even if it was enough reason- all the more reason to enforce opposing interests- after all- I have no future with these kind of fetishes (for obvious reasons). To try to pursue them would be immature and irresponsible, so I should know better. There are many things that I have accepted about myself as identities- stubbornly insisting that I stick to these- because they are who I am. What a load of hot air! I am who I choose to be- as if I could get a good idea of what that is just by demonstrating a few trademark behaviors for a few months! I need to take some initiative and decide what I want to be, not what I happen to be. What's the point of living if I stay the same? I need to get out there, live life- stop thinking about who I am and just find out what I want to be.

But whatever I want to be, it most definitely isn't in these fetishes. To think that I would even consider trying to be like that just because things happened to turn like that. I'm too young to be thinking like that.

Individuality

There is a question that I dread asking, but am even more concerned with not asking it. I know that I may never find the answer to the question- and as such this paradoxical fear is essentially counterproductive, as its merits are yet to be seen. The question is simple- although the answer is so complex that it has boggled mankind through the ages- "Who am I?" Now you may already have found an answer to who you really are, but have you really? Now keep in mind I am not referring to our place in society, or personality traits, or ideas or beliefs...nor am I referring to money, reputation. Everyone has a need to feel that they are special- that they have things that no one else has- have contributed in ways no one else could, and that they have a lifestyle so unique that no one else could hope to model it. But when all is said and done- we are all the same, ordinary human beings.

Despite this knowledge, I still search for things within myself that possess that ideal level of originality- simply because my logic, psyche, and ego will not face up to this harsh truth. People all try to find identities to fill this gap- to put off the inevitable- some, if not most- actually succeeding, with the price of lying to themselves to the very end. Perhaps this should be acceptable though- after all, ignorance is bliss- when we consider the harsh truth. People adopt religions, stereotypes, traditions, cultural influences of all sorts. All of it fake, no doubt- but it's not like people think about it- to accept these as fake would be to accept their doom in a sense, so it's only natural to just go along with what others say, even if it's wrong. In this way, leaders took power by giving people things to go on- the more fleeting the dream, the stronger the cause.

It really is ironic though- that people, to feel special as individuals- unite as a group for the sake of a cause. I would think that they would realize that following the crowd is the exact opposite of being more special- but that seems to be the way of things for people. Perhaps they don't follow the crowd to feel special at all- maybe they're just insecure. I've toyed with the possibility that in the past people did things the same way- but in order to survive, some underwent psychological evolution that allowed for these illusions. False hope gave us a reason to move forward. To this day I'm still unsure how to respond to questions about how well I am doing. Fun, satisfaction, confidence, happiness, peace- they're all illusions. In retrospect, when I think of what would be considered "fun" times- all I see is activities that succeeded in temporarily satisfying my desires at the time. When those times were over, I no longer felt those feelings. To think of "the past" as being fun seems so shallow and fake to me, because it's all temporary, lacking substance, and as such illusions in my book.

Right now it's true I am more on the downside, but it's not the first time, nor will it be the last. The reason I have these perspectives are not because of my emotions- rather- I have these emotions because I have a clearer picture of the truth. Normally I can, like everyone else- ignore it- but now that I can see it most clearly I have decided to make note of it- so that I will not regret putting it off further.

I will continue to ask this question "who am I" there may be a chance I can come up with a definite answer- although such a thing is less likely than winning the lottery I suppose. I have often speculated that if I were to trace all my personality traits and behaviors and the chronology of which I came to hold certain beliefs and perspectives as acceptable truth- I would be able to gain a glimpse, or hint, of who I really am. To be optimistic, I may have something of a head-start- because never in my wildest dreams of a few years ago would I have even imagined myself being "who I am" today.

Bad Luck

Constantly, all over the world- money, time, pain, suffering, drama- so much are wasted on people that blame others for their misfortune. The police, the courts, and government encourage these complaints, not only saying they have a right to complain, but also sacrifice the welfare of others for the purpose of spoiling them. What our government and the "mob" as they will be referred to henceforth don't seem to see (or don't care) is that their selfishness affects others. People give money in taxes, and sometimes in donations- all for the purpose of satisfying the selfishness of a select few- that likely are less deserving. It's good to have order- but when the order spreads corruption it's gone way too far. The world would be a much better place if everyone minded their own business, Because people don't mind their own business, war exists, money goes down the drain, efficiency is deteriorated, and innovation is stifled. In essence, most of what is considered evil has, is, and will come from people not minding their own business. In my opinion, I'd wager that everything evil in this world can be rooted to this very thing in one way or another- But it would be arrogant to make such a statement that nearly transcends time itself. Well, not that I believe in evil *note I'm just using the word as a concept by which to relate to those who do believe in it- which is nearly everyone- so should be the safest word to use.

What we all should do instead is blame ourselves for being unable to adapt- or for being unlucky enough to experience negative circumstances beyond that ability. If we blame others for our misfortune, it'll never end. I myself, although have not ended my own- have neutralized most of it by realizing these things. Whatever we may think of others, and especially of those we do know at all, we should consider that they too are human, and started out an innocent. If you find them to be a bad person- rethink that and realize that they were just unlucky- having experienced circumstances that were beyond their ability to adapt- or were not aware of whatever knowledge could have helped them compensate for an adaptation deficiency. Natural disasters, crimes of all sorts- people caught in the crossfire of religious or political movements- anything that may from the surface to be unfair- Realize that whether or not it was unfair or not- it happened, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that. They were unlucky- sucks for them. Revenge, Pity, "justice" or whatever you want to call it won't make non-existence, or wherever you think they went, any more bearable. In fact, wasting time and directly/indirectly causing miserably for others' If you really think about it they won't condone it.

Although on a different level and a slightly different perspective, the same applies to whatever else "shouldn't have to happen"- from money being stolen, to people insulting each other. Also consider- by seeking retribution, you are essentially justifying the actions of the criminals. Specifically, since in committing those actions they obviously were not minding their own business- when you respond wanting "justice" you are "not minding your own business" back. In many games- there is a house rule that if someone breaks a rule, but you continue regardless, at that point you justified their action- so they are able to say "you played on it"- I know there are probably some people reading this that know exactly what I'm talking about. Making use of that analogy- Wanting a vendetta is in that respect hypocritical, and as such naturally encourages further corruption in the future- especially since such selfishness make itself just as guilty.

Instead, we should strive to be role-models- not giving in to the need for justification- at this point the desire for vengeance should have long be extinct- but as a human race we still are primitive in these areas- apparently. This knowledge has been known for thousands of years apparently though- to quote Jesus "turn the other cheek" that's pretty much the same thing- although I don't think it's healthy to take it that far. Just because I do or even another select few- doesn't mean the world will listen right away- obviously. But we all have to start somewhere- somone's gotta do it if this world is to stay in one piece.

Maturity

Everyone has their own idea of what maturity is- but I believe true maturity can only be achieved through complete independence. Now of course, this includes financial independence, but independence cannot be reached with that alone. Compared to the other elements that are independence, the financial component is vastly insignificant, metaphorically "child's play". True independence requires living one's life completely uninfluenced by other's ideas or actions, by circumstances, or anything else that originates outside one's mind. This extreme, if achieved at all, would be a novelty; Most people would probably think it to be a very depressing-sounding lifestyle that only a fool would try to force upon themselves. That may be so, but there is an even greater possibly that those who have the perspective- that is, most of us, cannot imagine happiness living in such a manner because they themselves are far from mature. It could be that no one has reached this level of maturity, although it's more likely than not someone has. Perhaps even those who reached it did not disclose this information, because they thought it unlikely that another would appreciate, or even believe that knowledge. If this were the case they thought right.

I myself aspire to achieve true maturity...or at least salvage a glimpse of it. To be able to live a life without regard for what other's think- to be able to disregard insults without the slightest feeling of irritation. And most importantly- to move forward through life exactly as I see fit, gaining the ability to nullify any ill affect that others may have on my life. But as of yet, I still have a long way to go. I still have anger when others insult me, or claim to know better than I do in matters concerning my own life. I am continually tormented by people wasting their lives. If am I so easily influenced by those earning the title "scum of the earth" I am indeed a long way from being mature- especially emotionally.

There is another element needed to achieve true independence (and thus maturity) that makes for a much more doable goal, and that is discipline. Once again- I have chosen a more idealistic definition for discipline: I believe that true discipline can only be reached when a person can push themselves to meet goals and necessities with nothing but sheer determination. To clarify what I mean by this- I will put forth the analogy of a person dying of hunger. That person has all the reason in the world to work- because their survival depends on it. To me, a person who only adapts when absolutely necessary has no discipline. You might notice, as I do, that this of course implies that overall the world has no discipline- which is undoubtedly true. True discipline can only be reached by an individual when they can take the initiative to, rather than fullfiling their needs, take measures to ensure that they never need anything in the first place. In other words, preventing needs from ever becoming realities.

I have confirmed this in my mind with a few examples- Having an organized room so it does not need to be cleaned; Paying bills in full to prevent racking up debt...and so on. Pure discipline can be summed in one word- prevention. But to be able to prevent requires initiative- which I, as well as many (if not most) are in need of (ironically!) Although this may seem like an extreme method- I hope to achieve discipline by pushing myself through my college education without the help of a formal institution. If I were to go to college formally, I would be able to easily gain the education I need, but would fail in meeting my need of discipline- because very little can be gained by that method- where you are told by others what to do- and constantly monitored by means of homework, tests, projects, and grades. I do intend to go to college in 6 months- with the assistance of a grant. If I were to go now, I would have to pay a loan until I use a grant next semester- so this being the case, I find it would be a good opportunity to advance myself for 6 months of my own accord until them. Hopefully, in that time I will have learned at least some of the discipline which is required to not only survive (as most of the world does) but thrive, as I plainly have the potential to.

Overprotective

When I was in 7th grade, I participated in a church drama, as the lead role. In retrospect- I see this as the reason for my popularity there, Los Gatos Christian Church; however, until fairly recently I was not even aware that I was popular there. My whole life, or at least until 9 months ago, I lived life in the moment, never looking back- and as a consequence there are many things that I was not aware of...Moving on- at the conclusion of the play, my aunt (who I was living with at the time) remarked that a girl named Elyse Mardock really enjoyed my performance. They say some can fall in love at first sight- but I believe just hearing those words marked the beginnings of my love for her. Conveniently, my aunt was good friends with the Mardock family- and they worked together in several ministries- especially the children's choir (then called "Kid's Vocal Band", presumably as a homage to the Gaither group). I helped Elyse out with the kids, and while our parents (I called my aunt "mom" the entire time I was living with her) organized events and worked with the other teams and choir, Elyse and I spent a lot of time together. We spent a lot of time exploring the church, talking about unimportant things, and she disclosed to me a few of her secrets.

This went on well for a few years, and it was not until a few weeks ago that I uncovered where the trouble actually began. Before that I was sure that it was sudden, in part because I still lived my life "in the moment"- and as such did not realize the signs around me or make the connections. I did not possess the maturity and wisdom to do so. But after carefully thinking...the trouble started when my aunt returned me to the children's shelter. But perhaps some of it began before that; Knowing her, my aunt probably informed Elyse's parents that I was now on medication for mental illness, which naturally created a surge in the risk factor. But my aunt actually deciding to drop me off was probably the catalyst that triggered the ever-increasing paranoia. Well, I thought of it as paranoia at the time (hence the post title), but now I understand that they had good reason.

From the very start, the family was aware that I had lived in a dysfunctional family, and thus subject to the influence to the so-called "post-traumatic stress" (PTSD). To begin with, the Mardocks were very dedicated to ensuring that their children live a future that they intended. Some parents take a non-interventionist style- But it should be obvious that for parents to expect kids to turn out well, they might have to be a Helicopter parent. With my background, I had a high risk-factor to begin with. I was an unnecessary risk- they didn't need me to be friends with their daughter. I have to admit if I was in their shoes, I wouldn't have been so generous- after all, for a parent, children are one of the only means they can leave a mark on the future that can be wholly attributed to themselves (Not that it's a good idea to go that far- being the sole influence of your child is likely to result in antisocial personality traits/behaviorisms). It's likely that the reason I was able to maintain the relationship with my Elyse was because my aunt endorsed it. After my aunt returned me to the shelter, my credibility was lost- and that loss multiplied by my "mental instability" at the time.

For these reasons, they became cautious and limited contact. Although I was not consciously aware of this, my insecurity led to a sort of desperate need to be with her whenever possible. This led to more trouble, and higher levels of what seemed at that point to be paranoia. I dropped out of church for a while, partially because of a lack of transportation...But one day, misinterpreting a group home staff's advice, I confessed my love for her via phone. This action led to a church conference, followed with a warning that if I were to be seen attending the church following the age of majority (18) a restraining order would be put in place. As a result, I left my church, and the multiple friends I had made (I was still very popular, perhaps even more so). But after thinking about it now, and putting all the pieces together- I realize that their actions were justified. In addition, I am grateful for the time they permitted me to spend with Elyse- who was, and still is, my first and only true love.

Career Of Variety

I have always been a person of variety, when it comes to everything. As you may deduct, this also means that I get bored very easy. It is also for this reason that I talk so much, although that does not relate to the topic of this post. In a previous post- I made the decision to make physical science the area that I would look into for career-related education, but just today I have made even a bigger decision, and that is to have a career of variety. More specifically, I have strong gifts in areas that are relatively diverse, and since for that reason I cannot fit them into a single job, I will spend my life cycling between education and work to achieve them in separate jobs. I do not want to know that I have wasted any of my skills or strong personality traits, and because they are so diverse, I am determined to take this approach...- the following are my best strengths (generically speaking) note: although some of these are new, this can be considered a generic and updated version of the top half of this post http://jbcandid.blogspot.com/2007/08/strengths-and-weaknesses.html

1. Scanning: as mentioned in a previous post, I am excellent at scanning just about anything. In addition, I have found that I am especially fast when scanning my own material. *note scanning as in with my eyes, not a machine.

2. Computers: although I am not sure of the ratio of genetics vs. experience for this skill, By this point it must have become a strong personality trait, so I must recognize it as a future career.

3. Attention to detail: although this depends on the circumstances, I am generally very good when it comes to picking out the details of things, and usually have a good idea of what would make it better. This is especially true with words- so I am generally very skilled in correcting papers.

4. Breaking things down: (dissecting if you will) in real time (instantly). I make use of the psychological aspect of this skill on a daily basis, which helps balance my emotions and gives me a better awareness of others' actions.

5. Music: I don't know how much this has to do with my musical background, but I've always had a really good feel for the music- and feel a "natural" enthusiasm especially for songs I know. I've envisioned myself as a conductor for some time now, although I never thought about it seriously.

6. Writing: Well this one should be obvious (not to brag) but I want writing to be one of my careers- simply because I'm really good at it. Because of it's nature though (independent) , I can probably treat it as a hobby though.

7. Public Speaking: I'm skilled in public speaking partly because I have excellent communication skills, and other than that- I have a very captivating and memorable personality. I would prefer writing for the communication part though, simply because I can think things out, and give a much better reflection of my thoughts when writing.

Dreams

update- the thoughts below, although make wonderful food for thought- have (in my mind) been slightly overshadowed by some information I have recently become aware of that suggests that dreams are far more likely to be primarily caused by stress. In some of the examples below, you may find that stress would make even more sense in those circumstances. Furthermore I myself have admitted to living a worry-free lifestyle (although in contrast to the life as should living in relation to my "illnesses" and medical history)- and consequently, I have had almost no dreams overall. This further evidences stress as the predominant factor.

This post is complimentary to the post "My Beliefs About Reincarnation/Evolution", and specifically about the soul. Part is copied from an email.

Most, if not nearly all people take reality for granted- assuming things are as they seem. I believe that souls work together to invent our realities- in order to manipulate our lives. In this way, they improve upon themselves using life as the basis. It could be they do this because they are not able to do so independently- or it could be that they'll taking the easy way out- evolving themselves without having to face the suffering of life head-on.

Update- After thinking about it- it's more likely that both souls and everything else resulted from the "Big Bang", but souls did not actually create the matter. Although it's possible that souls can manipulate and create matter at will, that would give way to far much speculation as to why they did not exert more influence, or why they need us when they could just create their own bodies. For this reason, I believe that souls are what we call "life", and that life is only born once souls decide to possess that matter. Both matter and souls were byproducts were probably products of "The Big Bang", and souls seeking to evolve used matter as a basis, seeing that a physical body made the process far more feasible. However, assuming that this is the case, that would further complicate the question of where to draw the line between the subconscious and soul, as well as the relationship between the two. I may have a better understanding one I have a better understanding of the subconscious and dream-state, for this reason.

In order to experience these benefits, souls must sync regularly with their hosts. Although this is primarily for their benefit- information is passed on that is required for us to continue functioning properly. This is why we need sleep- people familiar with hypnosis, meditation, and similar processes can go a long time without sleep because they are able to complete the sync on their own terms; consequently they also have a better awareness of their relationship to the soul- sometimes referred to as enlightenment.

Dreams are the method used for this transfer, and accordingly it is also the point at which the subconscious mind is closest to the soul. A person has a dream every time they enter a sleep-state to ensure the sync, but they usually only remember the dream if the sync is relatively large. The clarity and vividness of the dream, as well as your own self-awareness during it is directly proportional to the amount of information between you and the soul being synced.

Although people attempt to explain it away with other reasons, I believe that the reason why the amount of dreams women have while pregnant dramatically increases during pregnancy is one that substantiates my theory: It's because a large amount of information is being passed to them during that time, to ensure a healthy baby. From that perspective, it would also mean that a miscarriage occurs either when not enough information was passed, or the information that was did not sync properly. Reasons for miscarriage according to sources usually involve age, illness, foreign drugs (i.e. alcohol, etc.) and defective body parts. This would suggest that the majority of miscarriages occur due to a failed sync. However, if a person does not have dreams during pregnancy, it would mean that relatively little information is being passed, which could indicate a miscarriage.

Further information about the soul can be found in the fantasy novel I'm writing, "Essence Of The Soul"

update- this novel is discontinued due to personal dissatisfaction.

The Power of Parenting

People can make all the excuses they want for why their children could have turned bad, but if they really wanted to, they could have had them turn out exactly how they wanted them to. The problem is that parents aren't aware of the potential power they have over their children's, future, and more than that- are not willing or prepared to take full advantage of that potential. Now it's true that a child's future is determined by who they are influenced by, and generally that is not limited to parents. But they parents have full control over who those people are, or if there are any other people at all. In the cases that there are no other people (I don't recommend this of course) you have full control- but their future is relatively limited. IMO the best example of this in the media is the movie "Unleashed". In this movie, a man and his goons kill the boy's mom, and he decides the become the boy's guardian. The boy then grows to be a man, locked up in a cell and released only to practice killing people. Because this man took full control, the boy knew nothing except how to kill, and for this reason he was very good at it. Unfortunately for the man, the boy (now grown up) had a chance meeting with a piano tuner- and after a car accident (in which it was assumed he was the only survivor) he found his way to the piano tuner, as eventually became a completely different person than he would have otherwise.

As such that movie perfectly illustrated the level of potential power we have over children. But obviously we would not want to limit our children's future by cutting off outside contact, nor would we want to leave them to the wild. As is emphasized in past posts, The key here too is balance, and of course dedication and a high awareness of how the children are maturing, learning, growing up, and who besides yourself influences them. Ideally, a parent would be throughly informed before allowing contact with anyone, exert a high amount of influence over their education (i.e. homeschooling) keep an in-depth record of their daily activities (by which to analyze to ensure optimum results),etc. Homeschooling would of course require an alternative outlet for meeting social needs, which might prove difficult, since it goes against the current structure.

But even assuming that the parent had 10 years of active preparation (as I will) and have a large amount of funds by which to ensure plenty of time to take an active role in molding their future (for me that is the plan, but we'll see) no one's perfect- but still, we should do the best that we can.

Since it is fairly related, I will add part of an email I wrote recently:

you should consider that just because a child gets spankings doesn't mean that they proceed through life as the parent intended. In fact, given the intelligence endowed upon human beings, the spankings are highly likely to backfire due to the conflicting logic resulting from a child's self awareness. For this reason, parents should recognize that their children's minds are moderately complex, and take a more direct approach.

the reason why that parents spank their children is, in simplest terms, because they are lazy and uncommitted. most do not realize this, but that's how it is.

to clarify- if a parents spanks their child, the child will stop what they're doing, and after being spanked a few times, they will soon adapt, thus accomplishing the purpose.

while at first glance this may seem the best way (more efficient) there are many drawbacks:

1. The child may adapt in a way that goes against the parent's original intentions.

2. The child is much more likely to become rebellious by the time puberty takes affect (due to a sudden sense of freedom- the first things the child wants to do is that which is prohibited- the extreme form of punishment the parent gave them makes that which the parents prohibit tempting and interesting, in direct proportion to the level of corporal punishment previously administered.

3. The stress and pain caused by corporal punishment tends to have a negative affect on the child's future, overall.