the reality of love

My conclusion is that love, in all it's complexity, cannot be simplified into a single definition, or even single concept. More specifically, it's different things to different people. Individually, we decide what love will be. Although some perspectives on this may be more ideal than others, they are all equally right and equally wrong, because this can only be decided on an individual basis.

However, I have made note of three perspectives on this that seem (to me) to be attributable to the majority. As I continue pursuing this topic, I may find other perspectives of significant influence, but until then, I will hold to these three.

1. Experience. this perspective is the one I have chosen, and the idea behind it is that regardless of compatibility, physical attraction, chemistry, or other related factors, love is ultimately determined by experience, that is, how many memories you have shared with the designated person, the level of intimacy and passion associated with these memories, and the overall importance thereof. That is, the more that lovers spend time together, the stronger their love grows, depending on the quality of these memories.

2. Instinct. Regardless of actual prevalence, this perspective is relatively unpopular. The idea is that love is found by seeking out the best mate possible. Thus, if after finding a mate, if a person finds a better mate, they will leave their current mate for the more promising one. This of course is dependent on the new mate possessing qualities that outweigh the sense of security in the current relationship. For this reason, we must also take into account that the sense of security strengthens over time.

3. Romance. This is probably the most popular perspective, and the idea behind this one relies on the concept of dating. For this reason, the origin of love varies extensively. It ranges from love at first sight, to love based upon common interest (most likely the most common), and can even "dance" with what normally falls under instinct-based love. In summary, it's a sort of hybrid between instinct-based and experience-based love.

There is a 4th perspective, but due to it's nature, I have separated it from the three above. Serendipity- otherwise known as fate, destiny, predestination. Although this is not necessary, this perspective of love is usually used in conjunction with the above three. The idea that a love is meant to be can give a wonderful sense of security in a relationship, But most believe that it's not wise to leave a relationship wholly in the hands of fate, because the future is never clear. For this reason I have made the distinction.

I may add more perspectives in the future, but at least I have gained a clearer understanding of the inter-workings of love.