Friday, December 28, 2007

Living Contradiction

When I think about myself, I am quite amused- I see all the contradictions that are myself:

1. I'm a very sociable person, But I have no friends.
2. There is nothing I am afraid of, but I rarely ever go outside (except for work).
3. I reveal everything about myself to everyone in the world (via this blog), but even those that spend every hour with me know very little about me.
4. I have maturity that exceeds what most people have in their lives, but I am only 19.
5. I strongly prefer spending time with others, and yet I spend nearly all my free time glued to the computer.
6. I'm constantly humored by the smallest of things, but anyone who didn't know better would say I had no sense of humor.

Then, there are of course other unique qualities:

1. I usually don't (consciously) put any thought into what I say before I say it, but always say exactly what I intend to.
2. Several times per day, I become aware that I am thinking about a lot of things without consciously knowing what those things are.
3. I get deja vu constantly, and especially while watching video content.
4. Meditation comes natural for me, and I frequently make use of it. (In fact, I habitually meditate every time I take a shower or go on walks)
5. As far as I can remember, I have never been fully aware of my thoughts (only partially aware)
6. I lack the ability to visualize anything, be it old memories, or split seconds.
7. I completely lack jealousy.
8. There is no one in this world that I feel negatively about.
9. Everyone in the world is of essentially equal value to me, regardless of my relationship to them.
10. I am not afraid of death.
11. At my young age, I am completely satisfied with how I have lived my life, and would not have any regrets if I were to die right here and now.
12. I can sing songs I know perfectly without being aware of what I'm singing. In fact, I sing songs better when this is the case. It's usually involuntary, but [now that I know the catalyst] I can also do it on cue.
13. I have the ability to break down my environment in real-time (and analyze it), and I make regular use of that ability.

There are probably other unique qualities and "living contradictions", but this will do for now.

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